i have been terrible with blogging since i came back and i'm not sure why exactly but i think a large part of it is that i'm home and this is "normalcy" whereas Japan was an entirely different world and so i felt the need to think about it in writing. But it's really not a good enough reason to stop the blogging/thinking/writing process. So i should start and see how it plays out.

I just watched a documentary about the current war in Iraq called No End in Sight and at this point i'm not sure if i can put my reaction into words but it's very visceral. The documentary focused on the decision making process (or intelligent lack thereof) prior and during the first few years of the war. I'd have to be honest and say that I never followed what was happening in Iraq very closely. I've listened to podcasts, read blogs and the news but I think I purposely didn't delve too deep because I knew it would produce the reaction the film did. And that's shame. But it really is no reason not to be made aware of the current situations playing out in the world and at home, and so I want to educate myself better about the state of current events, especially since I will hopefully be back in a classroom soon enough surrounded by students who'll expect me to know about it and teach them. So that's a goal and that's a positive thing to have.

Other positive things happening in my life? Well, I think i'll actually start working soon. I have been put on the sub list for several schools around my area and the hiring process with MPS (Milwaukee Public Schools) is under way as well. I'll also start tutoring after school and in the evenings in the next couple of weeks. The tutoring is for MPS students who receive it for free as part of No Child Left Behind. I of course will get paid. I'm actually looking forward to working with students one on one and getting to know them before potentially working in one of the MPS schools full time next year.

I've been exercising regularly, which is nice. I think mostly I'm doing it 'cause it's something that occupies my time, gives routine to my day, and also provides me with an opportunity to listen to podcasts as I run/walk for an hour in the gym. I've also been practicing karate a little bit when the studios in the gym are free but I fear that i have been forgetting essential elements of my training which is sad.
Same goes for Japanese as well as there are no opportunities at the moment to hear it or speak it. I have a game on my DS that provides some training and review but it's of course not the same.

Last week I read Nation by Terry Pratchett. It's a new young adult novel from him. It's a story about a 13 year old island boy whose entire people is destroyed in a huge typhoon and he is left to rebuild his "nation" with the help of a British girl who is a lone survivor of a shipwreck and other islanders that make their way to his island in search of food and safety. The book is a story about loss and the resilience of young people and also the skepticism that creeps into the minds of young adults who start discovering that the childhood world they were surrounded by and protected by is not the reality. There are scientists and pirates and islanders and gods and a cursing parrot and a treasure of a lost civilization. I really enjoyed the book and would recommend it as a quick and entertaining and also thought-provoking read.

Anything negative in my life right now? Yeah. I guess the fact that there are times when I miss my life on Okinawa so badly my whole body reacts. I feel like my chest caves in and I can't breathe and everything around me is all wrong and out of place. Those moments are brief and it's not a constant feeling by any means. I also feel very alone sometimes. It's not exactly a feeling of loneliness as if there's no one out there that cares about me. I know there are people out there who want to see me and would love to talk to me but most of them are very far away and when i don't feel that connection at the times when i guess i need it the most, it does create a sense of loneliness. It's good that i'm exercising, i think, 'cause otherwise i could be slipping into a depression. But I'm not. I'm good. It will help to start working and to have some money, and to create new connections with people in the city.

So that's what i'm looking forward to, i guess. I'm looking forward to my life here in Milwaukee becoming full of things that are mine and I have a connection to and an attachment to again. 'Cause even though nothing much has changed here while I was away, I have lost touch with people and places, and I need to regain that again to feel the lost sense of normalcy and purpose. I'm guessing it's a process that all returning JETs and others who've lived abroad for an extended amount of time go through.

Ganbarimasu! :)

love
-e